You may not be interested in this post in that it deals with a personal loss. If you are looking for frivolity please wait until my next post. There might also be typos since I think the keyboard is rather insensitive.
My Grandmother had past away this past Monday. She will be missed by many just as she was loved by many.
Frankly, I haven't had a really good cry yet and the loss itself hasn't really sunk in. And it usually doesn't take much to make me cry. It just feels weird and I wan to cry but I could only cry for short intervals during the past week.
I found out on Monday night and on Tuesday I just went to work like nothing happened. I knew what had happened and I knew things were supposed to be different, but it didn't really feel that way.
I didn't cry really cry until I arrived in Moncton on Wednesday and even then I was only for a few short minutes. We went to the wake that day, which was rather uncomfortable. I spent a good amount of time in the coffee/tea room, drinking what can loosely be referred to as tea, but is in fact brown hot-sugar milk, since I felt like having a lot of sugar. The wake was not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be and there was as much laughter as there were tears. I guess I expected everyone to subdue any sort of joking but if anything, I think the loss and the need for comfort made us joke around more and made us feel a bit better. The funeral home was friendly and respectful, bu my one complain is seeing the body. Frankly, I though I would cry longer after seeing the body, bu I was more comfortable with it than I expected, but I had to comfort my mother, who began to cry loudly before the body. What was most discomforting about it was the fac had some imperfections removed, making it not look like a real body.
I actually perferred the wake to the funeral mass today. I wasn't uncomfortable or offended by the mass, but I felt that there was a bit more closure in the wake and the wake was a bit more personal. I also acted as a pallbearer (I don't remember or feel like looking up the actual spelling). This was my first funeral, and in my heart I wish it was my last, but we all know that's not true. I just though you should all know.
I'll most likely show up for anime Saturday night, but don't try to "act" natural, because there is nothing more unnatural than someone acting natural. Don't worry about me, I think I'll be normal, if a bit more soft spoken. Just warnin' ya that if I spotenious start crying (and I doubt I will), you'll know why.
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3 comments:
I've been to a number of funerals over the years, but last year was my first for someone that I was reasonably close to and that I was old enough to properly appreciate the loss of. I couldn't bring myself to go up and look at my grandmother's body in the funeral home, and I regret it to this day.
I've only been to two funerals, one for my great uncle and one for my grandfather, and both times when I saw the body I laughed hysterically. I'm not trying to make lite of anything, you're clearly upset, I'm just saying I'm a jackass.
I've been to 3 funerals, for 3 of the 4 of my grandparents. I never cried but i did get teary eyed. At my grandfather green's funeral my father said something to me that i will remember until i die, he told me he didn't want me to cry at his funeral. Thats all i have to say about that.
I'm sorry for your lose.
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